The Do What You Are Test

cartoon elephantI just took it from

I answered four questions and was presented with the tantalizing offer of my 50 most terrific career choices for the price of $14.95.

Of course, this is far too low for them to be charging, so I asked if I could pay more. They said no, so now I’m not sure what to do. I’m not comfortable shortchanging them, ironclad guarantee and all.

In case you are wondering, my results were:

  • Extroverted dunce
  • Innovative dunce
  • Duncey dunce
  • Sexy dunce

I’m trying to imagine what those careers might be. Exotic, innovative dancer in a pointy hat? Perhaps…

Oh well. I do have some news, though.

I’ve been offered a job scrubbing an elephant (that cartoon elephant up up there is no relation) named Bobo up at the zoo. If I can find a broom and a mop the job is mine. Looks like I’ll be venturing out today.

8 thoughts on “The Do What You Are Test

  1. I took one of those tests once. At the career services office. I knew I was in for a treat when I met the career counselor administering the test. I could see on his wall that he had a degree in agriculture or something from Oklahoma State University (a perfectly fine educational institution, I’m sure, but come on: agriculture) (actually, I could barely see his degree because the frame it was in was almost completely covered in Dilbert cartoons) (it could have been Oregon State University. And the degree could have been in anthropology) (At this point, I can’t be certain).

    He was so slovenly, distracted, unsightly, and bored. He and his office were completely inundated with wrappers and crumbs. And there were smells. Basically, I could tell right away that I couldn’t have picked a better person to help me make the minorly important decision of what I was supposed to do WITH THE ENTIRE REST OF MY LIFE.

    Any lingering doubts were completely abolished when he attempted to give me an English test. Like for people that don’t speak English. I assured him as nicely as I could that I already spoke English, quite well, thank you, possibly (probably) better than he did.

    He finally gave me that Myers Briggs test, or Myer Briggs test, I can’t remember which, but it was supposed to be a personality assessment to help decide “what career is right for me”? As if knowing you are an extrovert or a feeler determines whether you’d be happier as a florist or an accountant when you grow up. Plus, the test is completely manipulable. I found the questions fairly transparent.

    The results were inconclusive. I had vast interests and dual degrees in culinary arts and political science. I think it was split just about 50/50 between opening my own candy shop and leading a Fascist revolution in a third-world country. As you well know, I chose the candy shop: Fascists can be so fickle.

    My regards to the elephant.

      • I think that’s probably close enough. Speaking of Watchmen, a woman came into my shop the other day and said I look like Billy Crudup, appearing in that film. I didn’t know whether I should feel flattered or not.

        • A resemblance to any appearing in, sound like, or smelling like that film is not a compliment. I am still irritated about them using a Leonard Cohen song for a love scene in a space ship shaped like an owl.

          • The audacity is inexcusable.

            I don’t think she meant it in a bad way. I think he was one of the blue people in that film. She didn’t say I looked like him in the film, just that I looked like him, with me independently recognizing that he was in that movie. He was also in Almost Famous, but with long hair. Maybe.

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