Dunce Two, a word please. Do you know how to grow more facial hair? I ask because it is still chilly here at night and my face freezes. In the past I have tried to grow a Van Dyke, various chops, a Fu Manchu, and every other facial permutation you can think of. And many that you can’t, but I won’t hold that against you for now.
Here is the situation: I can grow big fat wolverine sideburns, and a throat beard that would make Brigham Beard weep. But my upper lip and lower chin stay nearly as bald and smooth as a porcelain doll’s cheek that has been combined with a baby’s butt.
Once on New Year’s Eve I bought some of that Just For Men hair dye and tried to dye my skin a little darker, but it did not look very lifelike.
I implore you. I am a beggar. What am I to do?