The Atlas is Coming

Three 90.1-pound bags of X5000 Premium Cement = $24.00

Two 25-pound bags of Plaster of Paris = $30.00

One 50-pound bag of sand = $4.00

One 5 gallon bucket = $3.00

One large playground ball = $2.99

Feeling like a man because your garage is full of 370+ pounds of manly Atlas Stone-making materials = PRICELESS!!!

I’m making an Atlas Stone next weekend; aiming for something in the 200 to 250 pound range.  I will post updates as they come.  I’m excited!

28 thoughts on “The Atlas is Coming

  1. This just leads to so many more questions than it does answers. Assuming you are the model, how are you casting the mold? Do you want it out of cement? is this going in the garden, or are you planning to hardwire it and have the world’s strongest lamp?

    • I’m so glad you asked, Surly. I will actually be nuding up, whereupon a team of young aspiring artists from the local all-girls liberal arts college is coming over to cover my entire body in silicone. After that sets, I will step out of the silicone mold, which will then be covered in Plaster of Paris, making the more durable mold that the cement will be poured into (we were going to make it out of bronze, maybe even platinum, but the Board was already griping about costs). The finished product will be displayed in front of the Metropolitan Art Museum for six weeks (or longer, depending on interest). After that, it shall be auctioned off, the profits going to an as-yet-undetermined charity. Do you have a charity to recommend? Does this sound like something you would like to have in your garden?

  2. Very manly pile indeed. I hope it works out for you. (I have my doubts, but I’m a born skeptic, so feel free to ignore.) Do tell me that you plan on posting a video of you lifting this stone when it is completed…I’m sure we’ll all be impressed.

    • Doubts regarding my ability to make it or lift it? I would be insulted by both, more the latter than the former.

      I would make a video, but don’t have a digital video camera. If I had one of those, I’d film all kinds of crazy stuff!

        • My doubts are on your ability to make it without disastrous results. Choose not to be insulted, but rather to prove me wrong.

          I have both a phone that will record video, and a camera. I’d be willing to document the lifting attempt for you…I mean, the successful and impressive lift. Yeah, that’s what I mean.

          • Attempt?!?!?! Oh, it’s ON now! I shall both create and lift it with vigor and panache. If you’re lucky, I’ll let you record my successes for posterity!

  3. You’ll let me, eh? You are lucky that I am offering my camera and videography skills. How else would you prove that you 1) successfully made an atlas stone, and 2) lifted that stone off the ground? Clearly you need video evidence and witnesses. Otherwise, one might think you are just fabricating a story to prove you are as manly as Dunce One in this regard. We wouldn’t want anyone thinking such a preposterous thing.

    • “Otherwise, one might think you are just fabricating a story to prove you are as manly as Dunce One in this regard. We wouldn’t want anyone thinking such a preposterous thing.”

      Exactly. Make sure you get this on video. He’ll say anything for a compliment and a pat on the head.

  4. Does everything need video proof these days? Why is my word not good enough?

    Pay no attention to Dunce One. He talks a menacing game, but inside he is just a big teddy bear (granted, a big teddy bear that can actually tear phone books and cards and all manner of other things in half. But a teddy bear just the same).

    • I’m not sure your word is good enough. I’ll have to ponder that for awhile and get back to you.

      Dunce One has a valid point. We have had a good discussion. Teddy bear or not, he has taught me much more about phone book tearing and stone lifting than I had ever expected to learn.

  5. NEW large playground ball because your kids were playing with your other one behind their mom’s van, and they left it there, so it got run over and popped on the way to school today = $2.99.

    Remembering you still love your kids, even though they ruin all your stuff and deprive you of sleep and cost a ton of money and make huge messes all the time and drive you crazy = PRICELESS!

    • Weird. My kids never ruin any of my stuff, sleep like the dead, don’t cost lots of money (because I opt not to feed or clothe them), never ever make huge messes, and clearly do not drive me crazy. Your parenting skills must not be quite as stellar as mine.

      Good luck with all that. At least they weren’t playing with the Plaster of Paris…that could get messy.

      • That is weird. But not surprising. I strongly suspect that none of my skills are quite as stellar as yours.

        Yes, as messes go, it could have been worse. It can always be worse…

  6. Cost of getting a new 5-gallon bucket because you ruined the first bucket because you didn’t measure right and the plaster of Paris hardened in the bottom before you could use it = $2.99

    New ball = $2.99

    Smaller bucket so you can ACTUALLY measure = $1.99

    Buying the above at Wal-Mart at midnight Friday night = PRICELESS

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