Last night I had a dream that I was at home, lying in bed, and everyone else was asleep, and it was completely dark. Just as I was about to fall asleep, there was a loud, sharp, banging knock on the front door. [BANG, BANG, BANG]. It so startled me that it woke me up in reality. And I woke up to a dark house, with everyone else asleep, very, very much like the dream setting I had just woken up from. It seemed so real that I was not completely sure whether I had actually heard the banging or not. I don’t know if I ever even opened my eyes. I was still really tired.
But my heart was pumping and my adrenaline was rushing, even though I was still really out of it. I was taking a mental inventory of potential weapons I could use in a pinch. I don’t have a gun. Bedside lamp? Alarm clock? In my sleepy stupor, I even contemplated pulling out a dresser drawer and hurling it down the stairs as necessary.
In the end, I decided I was so tired that I wouldn’t do anything. I would have rather died than get out of bed.
So would-be burglars beware. Come to my house late at night, I don’t have a gun, but I may throw an empty drawer at you. Or you may just see a sleepy guy in his underwear too tired and confused to even formulate a very convincing yell. If I’m tired enough, you may not see me at all. I actually don’t have anything worth stealing, but if you insist on coming, please just skip the knock and come on in. I will leave you alone. I only ask that you lock up on your way out; there are some crazy people out there.