Dumbest Ditties of ALL TIME!!!

Sometimes you get a song stuck in your head, and you can’t get it out to save your life.  Most recently, this happened to me with that “Spiderman” song.  You know the one, “Spider-man, Spider-man…” (actually, those are the only words I know, which makes it even more maddening).  This woman came into my shop, dressed to the nines, and just started singing it to herself in the jelly bean section.  It has been stuck there ever since.

But that is only one type of annoying song.  Any song can be annoying if it gets trapped on infinite repeat in your mind’s ear (like “annoying” Christmas songs; to me, these don’t start out annoying.  I love Christmas songs (except maybe “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” [shudder]).  But once you have heard them over, and over, and over, starting in late September or so, by December 25, you are so done).

Some songs, though, are annoying in their own right, from the outset (no, I’m not going to talk about Billy Ray Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart,” though that would certainly qualify.  Same for “Chicken Dance.”  And that “Andy Griffith Show Whistling Song” (I think that’s the official name) (something about the lack of lyrics only adds to the obnoxiousness).  I’m going to try to make it more personal.  More original).

Let’s see…

“The Song That Never Ends.”  This song is annoying, not because it repeats, but because it is somehow just fundamentally annoying.  Like it was purposefully engineered to induce maximum annoyance.  Before even the first verse ends, you want it to stop, you want it never to have started, you want to find the guy that invented the song and smack him repeatedly about the face.  And you can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they will sing this song.  Even if they themselves claim not to like it, even if they are just doing it to be annoying, anyone that sings this song cannot be trusted.

I feel very similarly about “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”  If you’ve got time for all 99 bottles, you seriously need to find a hobby.

And if you have had occasion to be around any children’s television any time lately, the “Barney Song,” “Caillou Song,” and especially the “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Song” could be implemented as devices of torture.

I also really dislike “Same Old Lang Syne,” by Dan Fogelberg.  Let me explain.  When I was in college, I used to work in a stockroom, sweeping and mopping the same floor, over, and over, and over again.  And the stockroom had an intercom system, and the intercom system was always set to the same radio station (I think it was an AM station, and I can’t think of a more accruate name for what the station was probably called  than “Death by Elevator Music”).  Anyway, every day, every single shift, this song would play at least once.  Like a hellish hallucination including all the senses. And it is just one of the saddest, most depressing songs ever, and I couldn’t get away from it, and it just made me sad, and it made me sick, and I was not sorry when the time came to turn in my mop and broom, if only to get away from that song (you know, because mopping and sweeping stockrooms is otherwise so glamorous).

Also, “Who Let the Dogs Out?”  I don’t know!  Stop asking me!!!

I would love to hear what other people think.  And not just “‘La Macarena,’ because it sucks!” (though I wouldn’t disagree).  Or “Ashlee Simpson songs, because she sucks” (I don’t hate Ashlee, but she sure pulled a Milli Vanilli with that whole SNL debacle).  And please, just as a personal favor, don’t diss on any Nelly songs.  With the possible exception of the wildlife friendly, but grammatically suspect “birds I feedin” line from “Hot in Herre,” he is pretty much a lyrical genius (I mean, come on.  Who doesn’t like “Air Force Ones”?)

Do you have songs that get stuck in your head?  In an annoying way?  Why, specifically, do you hate them?

6 thoughts on “Dumbest Ditties of ALL TIME!!!

  1. When I ran cross country in high school, without fail, my steps would start matching “You’re a grand old flag” within a mile.

    New stuff: Someone on the radio and there’s a line that goes “But they got nothin’ on you, baby.” I hear it constantly in my head.

    The Cat Carol. We already talked about that. I love Christmas music as well. next time I see you I’m going to show you a guitar arrangement of Greensleeves that will beat your face in.

    One season I sold women’s shoes at a Dillard’s. I worked with a woman named Edwina who told me that the “king of the gypsies” was a very dear friend.

    She would always step in front of me and tell my customers, “You want shoe? I bring shoe.”

    Point: we only had one CD on in-store play. Lee Greenwood’s Christmas album. It made us all tense and edgy and by January we were all close to biting each other’s throats out every time he started working his way up to “on the highest bough” in the last chorus.

    • This post is getting a lot of buzz. Other additions from the peanut gallery:

      “Your Kiss is on My List” (apparently this song makes some people want to put their heads through the wall).

      “Let’s Give ’em Something to Talk About” (same).

      “Grand Old Flag” is as obnoxius as they come.

      “Noth’, noth’, noth, nothin’ on you!!!” That guy needs to get hurt!

      I’ve wondered about the dynamics in those commission-based retail settings. Edwina and I would have come to blows!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *