Sometimes you get a song stuck in your head, and you can’t get it out to save your life. Most recently, this happened to me with that “Spiderman” song. You know the one, “Spider-man, Spider-man…” (actually, those are the only words I know, which makes it even more maddening). This woman came into my shop, dressed to the nines, and just started singing it to herself in the jelly bean section. It has been stuck there ever since.
But that is only one type of annoying song. Any song can be annoying if it gets trapped on infinite repeat in your mind’s ear (like “annoying” Christmas songs; to me, these don’t start out annoying. I love Christmas songs (except maybe “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” [shudder]). But once you have heard them over, and over, and over, starting in late September or so, by December 25, you are so done).
Some songs, though, are annoying in their own right, from the outset (no, I’m not going to talk about Billy Ray Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart,” though that would certainly qualify. Same for “Chicken Dance.” And that “Andy Griffith Show Whistling Song” (I think that’s the official name) (something about the lack of lyrics only adds to the obnoxiousness). I’m going to try to make it more personal. More original).
“The Song That Never Ends.” This song is annoying, not because it repeats, but because it is somehow just fundamentally annoying. Like it was purposefully engineered to induce maximum annoyance. Before even the first verse ends, you want it to stop, you want it never to have started, you want to find the guy that invented the song and smack him repeatedly about the face. And you can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they will sing this song. Even if they themselves claim not to like it, even if they are just doing it to be annoying, anyone that sings this song cannot be trusted.
I feel very similarly about “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” If you’ve got time for all 99 bottles, you seriously need to find a hobby.
And if you have had occasion to be around any children’s television any time lately, the “Barney Song,” “Caillou Song,” and especially the “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Song” could be implemented as devices of torture.
I also really dislike “Same Old Lang Syne,” by Dan Fogelberg. Let me explain. When I was in college, I used to work in a stockroom, sweeping and mopping the same floor, over, and over, and over again. And the stockroom had an intercom system, and the intercom system was always set to the same radio station (I think it was an AM station, and I can’t think of a more accruate name for what the station was probably called than “Death by Elevator Music”). Anyway, every day, every single shift, this song would play at least once. Like a hellish hallucination including all the senses. And it is just one of the saddest, most depressing songs ever, and I couldn’t get away from it, and it just made me sad, and it made me sick, and I was not sorry when the time came to turn in my mop and broom, if only to get away from that song (you know, because mopping and sweeping stockrooms is otherwise so glamorous).
Also, “Who Let the Dogs Out?” I don’t know! Stop asking me!!!
I would love to hear what other people think. And not just “‘La Macarena,’ because it sucks!” (though I wouldn’t disagree). Or “Ashlee Simpson songs, because she sucks” (I don’t hate Ashlee, but she sure pulled a Milli Vanilli with that whole SNL debacle). And please, just as a personal favor, don’t diss on any Nelly songs. With the possible exception of the wildlife friendly, but grammatically suspect “birds I feedin” line from “Hot in Herre,” he is pretty much a lyrical genius (I mean, come on. Who doesn’t like “Air Force Ones”?)
Do you have songs that get stuck in your head? In an annoying way? Why, specifically, do you hate them?