Okay, this may not be the usual high-brow material our Dunce Academy readers have grown accustomed to, but I have observed a phenomenon that I believe deserves note. At work, I have a co-worker, and every time I rise to answer nature’s call, so does he. Every single time. We work on opposite ends of the building, and would have no way of knowing that the other is embarking on a trip to test out “the facilities” (I recently encountered someone that referred to the bathroom as “the gentlemens;” I didn’t care for that at all; struck me as pretentious). But every time I head that way, so does he. What is going on?
Now, I suppose it’s possible that he “goes” way more frequently than the average person. Maybe he drinks five pots of coffee a day or something, and hits the head (I also don’t really like this phrase very much, “hit the head;” it seems sort of militaristic to me, and sort of crass) (the irony of someone writing a post about toilets referring to anything as “crass” is not lost on me, not to worry), something like 25 times a day. And if he is going with such exceptional frequency, maybe this is not some connection he has with me, but with everyone in the office. Maybe everyone thinks they share the same…um…schedule.
Or maybe I make water more frequently than most. Maybe people are talking about me.
Or maybe he and I drink exactly the same amount of the same type of substance at the same time of day and have identically-sized bladders. Maybe we take the exact same number of breaks at the exact same times. Always. I wonder…
While we are on this topic, I have often thought it would make an interesting sociological study to observe which urinals people use and why. Like, do you mix it up, always go for the one in the middle, the one closest to the door? And how does the presence of others impact your choice? If someone is in your designated spot, for example, do you wait, pick another one, or run screaming for the door? Does anyone else think about these types of things? Am I a freak? Let me know.
Okay, now back to more elevated things. Stay classy, dunce army!