You Missed a Spot!

So I missed a spot.  Again.  Shaving.  I don’t know why this is surprising.  I miss the same spot every day (right side of my neck, right under the chin).  Well, I guess I shouldn’t say every day.  And that’s part of the problem.  If you shave every day, or even every other day, you can miss all kinds of spots and, at least with me, no one will notice.  The problem here is that it had been more than one day.  More than two days.  More like a week (it was a good look, don’t worry; very Miami Vice).  But now I have this very conspicuous neck mustache, and I don’t know what to do.

How do I miss this spot, you might ask.  Well, part of it has to do with the fact that I shave in the shower.  In the morning.  Without a mirror.  And I’m in a hurry.  And I hate shaving.  So this all combines to equal a less-than-high-precision shave job.

“So get up earlier,” you might say.  But that’s not the problem.  I get up plenty early.  The problem is, I am so comatose when I first awake, I have to stand under the hot water yawning for about 20 minutes before I even remember what my name is.  Still half asleep, I startle awake several more times while in the shower, like “Where was I?”

Still, could I get out of the shower five minutes earlier to shave in front of a mirror in my fully-lit bathroom?  In theory, yes, but I don’t want to.  You see, shaving is one of my least favorite things (down there with watching paint dry), whereas showering is one of my very favorite things, up there with…well…you don’t really have to compare it to anything else.  So warm, so peaceful, so serene, showering is just pretty fantastic no matter how you look at it.

And it’s not that shaving, as an action, has any specified complexity.  It’s pretty straightforward (evenly apply shaving gel (use gel, not cream; no, it’s not the same); take your razor (it should be sharp; rotate regularly); move upward or downward in gentle, even strokes; repeat until all the shaving gel (together with underlying whiskers) is gone).  Simple as that.

Yet, here I am at work, and I don’t have a razor, and I have this fear that people are starting to talk.  I can feel the spot drawing attention, like I have this pulsating bionic caterpillar on my throat.  I should start keeping an electric razor at work for just such occasions.  I don’t like electric razors, like them even less than regular razors, actually.  They don’t work as well, and they are loud, and you don’t get that smooth, close-shave feeling.  But at least people wouldn’t be constantly staring at me.  Why is everyone staring at me???

(Okay, a good buddy just came by my desk, and he didn’t see anything.  Or at least he acted like he didn’t see anything.  Maybe I’m just paranoid.  I’ve been told I have an overactive imagination). 

(Or maybe I miss the same spot so frequently, people think it is some kind of condition.  That would be embarrassing.  I should definitely do something about this).

Anyone else ever miss a spot shaving?  Any suggestions?

2 thoughts on “You Missed a Spot!

  1. I have missed spots on my legs (the same exact spots) for a year now… it just creeps guys out… I mean I guess I get it its all awkward and such but… leave me alone we aren’t perfect!!!

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