Frozen is right

I may have just discoverd THE most boring movie EVER MADE:

Frozen

Three skiers are stranded on a chairlift.  It’s cold outside.  That’s it.  That’s the whole movie.

I happened upon it on TV.  Looks to be about halfway through.  So far, 45 minutes of mind-numbing dialogue between two of the three, the third apparently having plummeted into the fresh powdered snow a good 2, maybe 2 and 1/2 meters below, somehow resulting in his immediate demise (no, I’m not going back to see what happened.  I don’t care) (nothing that could have happened in the first half of this movie could justify what I am suffering through in its second half).

After sitting there for more than a whole day, with no food or source of warmth, getting weaker and colder and more frost-bitten by the instant, one of them decides to then try to climb up the ski lift, over to a ladder, and down to “safety.”

But wait, something did just happen.  Immediately upon reaching the ground, he was (of course) set upon by a pack of hungry wolves that was, up to this point, just silently and invisibly circling, waiting for this guy to make just such an amateur faux pas.

Oh, and did I mention that the two remaining skiers are (1) a reasonably attractive guy, and (2) a moderately attractive (if kind of a whiny and annoying) girl?  And yet, no snuggling for warmth.  No suggestive banter.  Nothing.  Now that’s what I call a missed opportunity.  Al fresco snuggling is like Cold-Weather Survival 101.

So basically, what this movie lacks in excitement, it makes up for in implausibility.

Even with the wolves, still the most boring movie I have ever seen.  Freezing to death would be less painful.

Anyone think they can top it?

9 thoughts on “Frozen is right

  1. I saw this movie with Dunce One. It was captivating. I think that you missed out by not watching the first half. You see, then you’d be invested in the characters surviving.

    That said, I would never pee in my snowpants, no matter how long I had to wait, and I’d have my un-gloved hand snuggled into my armpit before leaving it out on the ski lift handle.

    But maybe I found it interesting because I think skiing is a terrifying sport and fraught with certain peril.

    • You may be onto something there. I didn’t have any back story, it just jumped straight into them stuck on the lift. I didn’t develop any attachment to the characters or “know” them before they were half delirious from exposure.

      I appreciate your point about the peeing. Why was that necessary? I think her chair companion was even asleep at the time, and even if he wasn’t, he’s been watching your face decompose from frost bite for the last 72 hours, he’s not going to freak out about seeing you pull your pants down to relieve yourself over the side like any normal person would do rather than soaking the only clothes you have while exposed to sub-zero temperatures. Not smart.

      The bare hand thing was crazy too. So what if you have only one glove? What person thinks “I’ve only got one glove, so I better take my bare, non-gloved hand and hold onto this freezing cold iron pole all night?” Tuck it up your sleeve, put it in your armpit, are you freaking crazy???

      Skiing can be scary, I suppose, but I think the worst that could realistically happen would be you twist an ankle or run into a tree, not that you would be overtaken by a pack of two wolves. Or get stuck indefintely on a ski lift.

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